I don’t know about you ladies and gents but what is it about people who step out looking like Miss World or Mr Hunk the Dunk and then that whole illusion is destroyed when you look down at their feet. Ok ladies’ I’m sorry but I got to go there with this. Don’t get me wrong ladies, I love you I really do and it’s painful to turn against you like this, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.
Ok peoples stick with me now, just bear with me on this. As women, especially during the summer, we like to look better than our best. We want to look as if we are ‘hot sauce’ or ‘spicy and nice.’ Every woman wants to walk the street as if she’s Miss World or Sophie Loren.
To be honest, elegance is a bit of a swear word nowadays because if we can squeeze into it then its on. If we can bend over in it, even if it is from the waist to the hip (no point trying to conform to touching the toes, we’d have to swallow in our gut) we’re dragging it on with a lot of inhaling and swallowing in and clenching of our stomach and buttock muscles. Gone are the days when a woman dressed according to her body shape and size, now everyone’s into the short, tight, I’m so sexy look and bless, if they actually owned a mirror or if their family had the balls to be honest, many women would not be leaving the house as they do. Being a bit judgemental here........hmmmm – yes I am. Girlfriends you can do sexy in a tracksuit believe me. It’s not what you wear but how you wear it.
Wearing sandals is usually a time to take note of an area of the body that we usually ignore. Once we’ve put on our face masks so that we no longer resemble who we really are, and have our chests out on display all else that should matter becomes secondary. After all, the guys are only interested in a pretty face, a pair of tits and if the clothing is tight and fitted, it makes no difference if we’re shaped like a shoe horn or a rectangle with boobs, they’re gagging for us. But woman to woman now – what is it that is a real turn off and really sucks? Ok, ok a man wearing crocodile shoes and white socks has always been laughable even a man wearing sandals and socks is like yuk what’s happening dude? But seriously let’s leave the men alone for a moment. What is it ladies that just kills an outfit so dead that it would be less painful to be shot will a pellet gun and have a weasel shoved up your nose than to recognise this problem?
Ok let me let you onto the secret. The worst thing a woman can do, when she is all dressed up and looking fine is to put on sandals and not have creamed her foot bottom. I’m not joking now. How many times have you admired a lady for looking finer than roast beef on a bed of roast potatoes and thought ‘damn.’ How often has someone walked past you and you’ve literally zoned out because she is carrying her body like sex on a bed of strawberries and cream and oozing charisma. Then the ‘hell no’ sirens go off because my girl has dry, cracked heels and toe nails that should’ve been on a dinosaur. Stay with me now. Ladies, if you’re going to put it together, then put it all together, together if you catch my drift. It’s like going out for a meal at the Ritz and leaving your dentures indoors. There is nothing more off putting than a woman sitting looking all sexy, her shapely legs crossed and her toe nails are scratching the paint off the chair leg. I haven’t finished yet. There is nothing more unsightly than a pretty gal walking away from you, swinging her hips which are singing to you ‘hey baby wanna piece of me’ when the heel is saying ‘boy, times have been hard on the rail road.’ It just does not add up. It’s not right.
So here’s a piece of advice from someone’s daughter, a mother, a human being for heaven’s sake. Cream up and look after. If the toe nail clipper no longer works on those claws, you can purchase a chain saw for as little as £10 on ebay I would presume. If Vaseline and the peppermint cream no longer works on those heels then I hear tarmac is the next best thing. Ladies, you gotta find a way to heal that stuff. You’ve got to look the whole part and come correct.
Can you imagine after a steamy night out, you cuddle up to your man, fall asleep and the next morning his legs look as if he’s been attacked by a lawn mower? Keep it simple and elegant ladies. Dress according to your body size and shape and look after those gorgeous feet of yours, because they say so much about you.
Love and light from Auntie E who loves to keep life real
By Esther Austin
www.laughatlifewithme.blogspot.com
