Metro, Monday 19 2007, Page 13
“Britney’s hair on sale for $1 million.
The world might be recoiling at pictures of a bald Britney Spears – but that hasn’t stopped a bidding war for her lopped tresses on eBay.
Fans were stunned after the former princess of pop walked into a California salon on Friday night and shaved off her long hair in front of bemused staff.
But, with the singer defiantly refusing to take her locks as a keepsake, the hairdressers were left to auction them off – with bids of £500,000 rolling in.”
Auntie Esther’s Response
Ok, ok, here we go
“On Friday 24th February 2007, Esther Austin walked into a Barber Shop, in Catford, Peckahm, Willesden, Harlesden, Birmingham, Barbados, St Lucia etc, etc (it doesn’t matter really where it is, the response would be the same) and tried to shave off her long hair in front of non-bemused staff and customers who had been in the middle of either looking at illegal DVD’s and fake Armani Tee-shirts, getting the latest P Diddy-did-dat hair cut or in the middle of eating a plate of rice and peas and Jerk chicken, or Fufu with Dried Fish whilst watching a porn video.
Esther was then verbally abused in many native tongues from the African and Caribbean Diaspora.
“Eeeediyot gyal”
“I should kick your r…. back to the homeland”
“Follow fashion monkey never eat good fruit”
“Some people have more money dan sense”
“A woman’s hayer is her beauty”
As Esther raised the shaver to her head, she was rugby tackled by Mr Nigeria, who barked at her that she should be beaten by the tail of a crocodile and left to bleed in “de hut sun.”
Esther then tried to raise herself up from Mr Nigeria and stumbled into the arms of Mr Barbados, who told her that if she did not extricate herself from him, he would be forced to “beat she wid de cat and nine tails, then to douse she wid salt wata.”
Bewildered, Esther then staggered to the door to be caught by Mr Jamaica, who Sang to her “Dis Woman Gwain Cry” to the Bob Marley tune of “No Woman, no Cry.”
Had Esther been successful in her foolish endeavours to cut off her hair, members of the Afro-Caribbean community would not be spending more than £2.99 for that hair, her hair, anyone’s hair actually other than to package it up to be sold in Mr Patel’s Cum-Again-Anything- Goes- Hardware or Mr Olulululululu’s Tief-In Hey-And-U-Is-A-Dead-Man-Walking Store for £2.99. If the item was sold at £3.00 businesses would make a terrible loss as people like to get back change, so £2.99 it must be.
If anyone in our community wanted to spend £500,000 on something, it would be on a one-way plane ticket to someone nice in the sun, to build a home, put our children in a good school where they can get a decent education and some serious discipline, to build a hammock and live inna paradise forever.
