My Children Being Ashamed of Me!!!

Sometimes, my sons still hold my hand on occasions when walking out on the street. Yet other times, when they are in conscious mode and their hormones are doing the man talk thing, I can’t even talk to them and the hand holding thing is a definite no, no. Other times we could happily walk down the road, talking like soul mates about anything from pet rats to girl friends, laughing and carrying on as if the world was our oyster and there was nothing more important than spending quality time with each other. Then there are those other times when their hormones have had enough of being pleasant and want to cause nothing but trouble to upset mummy dearest enough to force her to disengage their blood supply and sell their body parts to the Gunja Mafia Queen in exchange for a pair of slippers.

So, I will now list a few things which as parents we are no longer at liberty to do with our children after they reach the age of 10:

· You can no longer kiss them goodbye or hello out on the street, within the vicinity of their friends, your friends, their friend’s friends, family, relatives, strangers, tramps and animals;
· When out in the public domain and you hear a wicked piece of music, on no account must you: dance, sing, try to move to the music, nod quietly to the music, nod wildly to the music, look as if you recognise the music as that is a serious breach of their human rights;
· You can now no longer make jokes in the street, laugh out loud, giggle or look as if you are enjoying yourself. Something to do with the children’s data protection act from the year 1210 or something or the other;
· You must not try to wear trendy clothing like trainers, butty riders, hipsters, crop tops (well especially if you have like four bellies and twelve love handles).

Once upon a time, I could walk the street with my child and tell jokes, laugh at silly things, shake my head to a piece of music and it would all be a game, “funny mummeeee, more, more.” Now it’s like “don’t be silly mum. Stop it or else we’re not walking with you” like I really care. Sometimes they are so miserable, walking without them by my side would be a bonus, anyway.

Also, have you ever noticed how sometimes if they really want to disown you and show off in front of their friends they have the nerve to try to put on a serious tone of voice and give you that “why are you still here mum?” look. Like I’m really frightened by these puny little upstarts!! Little do they realise that this is so wrong of them to disrepeck me like this, in public as I can be a little vengeful when ready. You would certainly see me on Crime Scene at 9pm holding a placard with “I’m now on the Inside” with my prison number proudly scrawled across my forehead and as stated before, FBI would never find their bodies and dental records would also be useless. Anyway, I digress slightly again……..


EXCERPT TAKEN FROM LAUGH AT LIFE WITH ME: TEENAGERS