Hello there peeps
Once again I have been forced to put pen to paper after reading a rather interesting and thought provoking article in the Metro, 26th April 06. The article could been seen as thought provoking because to many of us, anything of a sexual nature is still seen as taboo, a dirty word, saved only for bedroom antics, once a month, under the bedcovers, with a muffle in the mouth and blindfolds on. Or it is seen as a total opposite, as something that is hedonistic, and sinful.
But like I keep telling you “lurv” in the right context, is more than just a quick kiss and cuddle, balieve me. Then when one identifies sex with the more mature person, the say over 60’s then we get the “oh Gad, I’m gonna vomit” or “someone please give me a lobotomy.”
People just don’t want to associate sex with the more senior folk. But there is more to sex than just the physical. The health benefits are enormous, and if more people practised this say twice a week or more, we’d all have an 8 pack, healthy glowing skin, the NHS would be running like clock work and we’d be able to smile more. But then again, who’s got the energy for more than one day a week and how many people are in decent relationships to afford such a luxury anyway. (It’s ok peeps, I am not bitter, really I can assure you.)
Therefore this article made me smile to realise that life can be a wonderful cacophony of many things and enjoyed by everyone at anytime. Enjoying ourselves, sexually should not be limited to the under 50’s and certainly being playful and experimental should be a joy and an avenue we should all try once in a while. Hussy, I hear some of you mouth, yes, peeps, that I am – so bring it on, come on outside NOW!
Therefore, back to the article which read:
“If you’re cruising towards the big 3-0 or even the big 4-0 and are still searching for that special someone, you may be feeling a little fidgety. (There’s hope for me sistas, hold on ladies, watch this space, I’m gonna make it to 200, balieve) And with one in five singletons now using dating services in Britain, it seems we are anything but happy being a solitary unit” “But love may not happen this year, the next decade or even the one after”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
(So what? Am I invincible now? so much so that I am going to have to wait until I am over 60 to enjoy a lickle bit of fun? And at that my only hope of finding lurv and a bit of get up and go is when I hit 60 when everything has sagged and gone downhill and all I have to offer any man is a cup full of dentures, a dry carcass of a handshake, a bottle of cod liver oil to keep my joints intact and some senakot to purge me once a week!! Anyone looking to find love, over 60’surely should be looking in the graveyard!)
“But it could happen in the pension queues”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
Imagine this scenario: Well, I met my wife when I was 106 years hold in the Post Office. I thought she was a little ugly and bony, but at my age, beggars can’t be choosers. Besides, my eyes are a little dim, so when she smiled at me she looked so sweet.
“Yes, that sounds depressing, but before you crack open a bottle of Chardonnay and sob into your pillow, read on. Apparently, even the sex gets better…… Oneline dating site Match.com recently polled more than 500 single members aged between 50 and 80”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
Are you guys making a note?– it looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel for many of us. We can’t look forward to a good pension, but we can look forward to finding a sexy old beast for a partner, accompanied with aches, pains, dentures and bad eye sight. Yet the thought of spending those long winter nights indoors with Mista Viagra, knobbly knees and some pain killers could sound enticing, especially at the age of 60, when you think all hope is lost and the only creature to show you interest, is Mr Next Door Neighbour’s rottweiler because he wants to tear out your tonsils.
“ About 65 per cent believed dating online could offer another chance of finding that special someone.”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
By this stage and at this age you don’t care if he or she is ugly, fat, thin, short or tall, you’re just glad someone can look you in your face the morning after the night before, and say “me love you bootiful.”
“The poll also shows that more than 50 per cent are still dating through friends”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
I’ve already had words with my friends, and have told then I ain’t doing ugly, under no circumstances. Then again, I’ve got to be careful, because I could end up looking like the back of a pig’s butt with a moustache.
“and are meeting ‘eligibly’ at their local pub. Helen Wanless, from the charity Age Concern says: “Intimacy doesn’t fizzle out as you get older. More than 50 percent of men and women over the age of 70 are sexually active and around one third say sex is better now than when they were younger.”
Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
Helen from age concern, should be concerned star. How many hospital beds are these people taking up, the morning after the night before? Imagine the wards full of people, stuck in all sorts of positions, and blaming it on the arthritis, a fall down the stairs, being robbed, RUBBISH – which body tell oona fe try fe put oona legs behind oona ears – leave the yoga positions to the youth.
The article then ended with a rather cute comment which said: “Worry not, single urbanites – it’s still out there for the taking. And now you know why your grandad always had that little twinkle in his eye.” Auntie Esther’s Thoughts
Well I don’t know about you, but I did find out that the glint in my grandfather’s eye had nothing to do with grandmother. It was Miss Ting two roads down that he was fooling around with. I now understand why police never found his body. I also now realise why my grandmother said that her roses never grew so fast and big until she started using a new brand of manure she claims to have found on the internet. She don’t even have a phone line. I also discovered that the company she claims she purchased the manure from was called Back to De Root and the name of the is “GrowDeBastordTall.”
So peeps, if you’re looking for lurv and you think all hope is gone and you’re over 40, and you’ve got that chastity belt on the ready, because you think your time for finding love is well and truly over, then it’s time to throw caution to the wind, throw away that belt girlfriend because there’s a man waiting for you, somewhere over that graveyard.
