Hallo Peeps
Well it has been a while has it not? I do try to keep the masses entertained on a regular and weekly basis, but alas, time sometimes tends to slip by most rapidly when I am having fun and working my tail off. So here I am again today.
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. What to write about today I muse?
Hmmm – I know!! Mutton dressed up as Lamb.
Now gentleman, this is where you can raise the roof with your hackling and “Bring it on Sistah!”
I have had men bemoaning and moaning (which may not be that unusual, you women folk might say) about the state of women today and how they dress. I have had so many men lamenting about the inappropriate way many women over 40’s are carrying themselves. The “Mutton dressed up as lamb” theory really does begin to take on some sort of truth? Sistahs, the men are getting really tired, ok. Tired of seeing women walking around looking like hoe’s. Often times, they lament “ain’t she got no family, nor friends. Don’t no-body love her?”
Now ladies, we all know that if you walk out there, your face could be like the back of a bus with warts on, but if you’ve got a body and a figure or even no figure but if you have it all hanging out, most often times the male gender doesn’t care about “Ugly” or not. It’s the booty they’ve got their eyes feasted on and nothing else matters. I’ve personally seen men crash car, because they're so easily distracted. Suckers, the lot of them. It could be a man in drag talking his poodle Tipsy Sway for a walk after dinner, and he'd still get hit on. From the back, Mr Drag Queen looks pur..fect - he's got a pair of high heeled shoes on with a stunny pair of calf muscles showing, a backside propped up in a tight skirt and the silhouette of a pair of boobs can just about be seen when he turns side-ways to let Tipsy Sway do a pee against a tree. So why they men lamenting so much is a bit of a mystery, but I guess I can also see where they are coming from.
Un-beknown to many women or maybe disregarded by many women, here are a few facts which you may or may not agree with, that are causing the men to hold their heads in their hands:
• Men do not like the weave thing. (Seriously ladies, there’s hate and malice when they talk about the weave now. I’ve tried my best to give all the reasons as to why some sistahs need to go there, but it’s no longer working.) I personally don't have a problem with this unless it's one of those bad hoof jobs that look like a beehive, that starts about 5 inches away from the forehead or otherwise looks as if it hasn't been washed or combed since thier last re-incarnation.
• Men do not like big breasted women or even small breasted women (who have propped themselves up in a dingy padded bra) who do not wear proper bras and hence have their breasts on display, like meat in a butchers. Men want to see breasts, oh yes, but they want them to be propped up nicely, and you know, even decorated with a nice, clean, supportive bra that makes them look seductive and not like a bag of wet poodles.
• Men do not like women who do not dress appropriately, according to their body shape and size, squeezing themselves into something 4 sizes too small for them. Ladies – a man wants to see your shape. He wants to embrace your shape, but girlfwen, when you got it all hanging out, wearing your belly like an apron and your love handles are threatening to bust out of your tops – ladies, your making yo man heave.
• Men do not like women walking about wearing crop tops and batty riders when they have stretch marks, chicken wings and chicken pill backsides, heaving all over the place. Ladies keep it contained and leave things to his imagination. You want a man to look at you and think that the rapture has come early. You want him to lust after something that he firstly needs to chase and secondly where he needs to use his imagination to think what sort of bo..day you got underneath that dress. You don’t want him thinking and hoping that hell would freeze over fast or that he’d get run over by a lorry load of cattle, then get stomped on by horses hooves and then get run over again by a jumbo jet.
So what do men want ladies? What do men really, really want?
They want to see women start to embrace their bodies and shapes again. They want to see women, regardless of size or shape embrace and dress accordingly. Girlfwens, you could be a size 24 and still look like J’Lo or Beyonce. The secret is all in what you wear and how you put it together. There’s no point sistahs in trying to squeeze all that meat into an incy wincy black, see-through dress that will not get past your head and will show everything but the crease between your knee crack. And plah—ease…leave the see-through lacy thing out of it – the NHS is already under pressure.
Girlfwens, you can put on a nice slightly fitted top (cause big women got curves too you know) with a nice “V” neck – to show some cleverage. Then you can get yourself a nice skirt which could be long or just tip the knee cause some sistahs. Ladies, the world is your oyster. And for the little uns, those who are like between a size zero and an 8, there’s hope for your bony asps as well so just take a bit more care and recognise that it’s about dressing with class. Remember, dressing well also has psychological benefits especially on ones self-esteem. And you do not need a lot of money to dress well - like I said – it’s how you put it together. And remember, not too much of the fake gold thing – you are not Medusa. It just does not look right on a sistah all that fake gold, batty riders and feet that look like they have been excavated – cream the foot bottom as well, it’s just as important as dressing well.
On a final note, how you dress is not about pleasing others, it’s about pleasing yourself, because when you begin to feel like a Queen and carry yourself like that Queen, you will notice a transformation in who you are, and how people respond to you and even in the sometimes, dry carcasses of men that you attract. Like Fergie from Black Eye Pease sings “if you got no money take your broke a..s home.”
So ladies, it’s time to do your thing and attract the King you deserve and men, your Queen is a coming…………….
