Ladies, Ladies, Ladies
This one is for you ladeez, yes you. A short tale, sweet and to the point.
The past few days have been absolutely gorgeous. As you might have gathered by now, I am a sun babe. Yep, once it’s over 20 degrees out there, everything in the house comes to a standstill and being the gypsy that I am, I can usually been seen roaming the streets soaking up the sun. I don’t do public transport around this time, because I love to walk and walk and walk and, of course, talk to myself.
Yet, as always, ladies, this is when the PIMPS come out in droves. Men on heat. Men liming in shop corners, barber shops, Sweetie shops. I’d like to know which Part-time job they’re holding down. Men driving around, sun roofs down, music blaring, pimping and hooting at anything that remotely resembles anything female.
Yep they’re out – as if they’ve just discovered daylight. They come in an array of shapes and sizes from short and brick in stature, to tall and lanky, tall and bulky. As you know ladies, a man without muscle is like a man without a …. The more bulk he has on top, the more he’s thinking that he’s a “real man” and he’s looking at you with that “come on babeee, light my fiyah” type of look. Also because it’s summertime, forget about the Punch and Judy show, it’s now “Pecks, Biceps and Abs Showtime.” It doesn’t matter that many have legs that had seen better days on a cockerel (all muscle in the upper body and all bone, gristle and swollen knee caps on the bottom half); it doesn’t matter to some that they look as if they’ve been pumping their faces with an assortment of steroids and a set of 5kg weights, one on each cheek – what matters is that they’ve all got pecks, biceps and abs and ladies, they want us to look when they stroll by, they want us to go “oooooo babeeeeee, you are so hot”. But you know what ladeeez, I’m kind of stubborn and ignorant that way, because as much as I sometimes, might want to look, just an incy, wincy bit of a look, I ain’t going there. I will not give a man that satisfaction. Yes, sometimes, it burns me to keep my head straight, but like I said, I can get real ignorant that way.
So now that we know what maketh a man – here is where the PIMP thing comes into it.
I happened to be making my way to the shop one-day last week, and to my utter horror, I heard a car horn beep several times. I didn’t take any notice because I am not an animal to be hooted or beeped at. Yet the beeping continued for a rather long time, therefore I turned to look, as I thought it was someone that knew me. Yet what did I see? Monsieur PIMP, beckoning to me to “come over to my car.” As you can imagine ladies, I inhaled, and rather than being reduced to showing him my favorite two fingers, and walking over to the car and kicking in the bumper, whilst mouthing “Wrong street corner, lova buoy, try SOHO” I continued walking to whence I was going to, head held high.
Other times, I have had men leaning out of their cars, in trance-like state winking and calling out or just staring like they’re watching the rapture come (and not being a woman of bad intentions or thoughts, I have on the odd so called occasion, merely had very, very brief and fleeting ideas of their cars swerving into something harmless like a lamp post or a garden gate).
Therefore, what I am trying to impress here is that once Summertime kicks in, men seem to loose all sense of, well, what little sense they do have. If a women as much as shows an inch of flesh, then that’s it, Game, Set and Match. It’s kind of sad really, because I am sure many women would like their man to put the same amount of effort they do in the gym into the bedroom, help with the gardening or help with the housework – but then I guess, guys, it’s just not the same is it because neither of these jobs pump the ego!!!!!
