Hello again my avid followers, welcome, Auntie’s back. So what’s on the menu today? Hmmm. Let me see. Ok, what about this- Women and the Age Thing.
As women we like to compliment and be complimented. Well some of us do - there are some girlfriends who are as vindictive as they come and rather than pay another gal a compliment would rather eat brick. (Enjoy I say. I hear arsenic goes down well on brick for women like that!!) But what’s that all about? Low self-esteem I say. But hear this, try upsetting my girl and she’d soon have a lot to say verbally and with a lot of abuse. Don’t you ever wonder, ladies, therefore, why some men just don’t go there with us? They’d rather mount of bull and head off into the wild wild west to find love with a rattle snake than to tackle one of us, mean, resentful, bitter and twisted sisters. Oh dear, is there something in this that is reflective of little old me? Maybe I need another session with the Counselor do you think?
Anyway, back to the tale at hand. We all love to get compliments and it doesn’t matter how untruthful they are, it’s all part of stroking our ego. Come on now ladies, some of us haven’t been complimented since we were teenagers and now hitting forty, we’ve gotten to the stage where we’d love to pay someone just to say – ‘nice eyeballs babe’. Not very sexy I know, but it’s a compliment all the same. So hear this. I just love when us women do the age thing. Let me break it down to you.
Every woman likes to think she looks great for her age. Every woman likes to feel she is still attractive and can still attract. Yes, for many women, attracting anything other than dust, is a chore, kind of like hard work and I don’t mean hard housework, I mean like being in shackles and breaking rock in the outback for 18 hours a day in the hot sun, that sort of hard work. But ladies come on now – God gave you family and friends and a mirror so once in a while I’d like to suggest you use them and maybe they may tell you the truth. Then maybe attracting a man into your life might be a little easier when you realize that that size 8 dress can only fit on your middle finger or that the weave or hairpiece that is now sitting on your head like a beehive needs to be lawn mowed down a few feet, clipped around the edges and given a new lease of life on a hedge.
Also ladies, doing sexy is one thing if you ‘git it right’ and it should be easy and quite effortless. It’s not what you wear but how you wear it. Sexiness is something you wear from the inside out, your DNA has to be speaking the language, girlfriends, it doesn’t happen in an outfit that you are abusing. So there is no point putting on a dress that makes gravity look like a liar. Dress according to your body shape and you can look sexy in a tracksuit and tee-shirt. Believe me, I know. Otherwise you’re committing a heinous crime against the human body and gravity don’t like that because when gravity gets vex it does weird things like make your breasts end up by your knees or when you walk, your bottom follows you five minutes later. Seriously, gravity does some crazy stuff, so you got to learn to be kind to that body of yours and take good care of it, cause, man, gravity can be one mean, mother.
But back to the age thing. Like I was saying, every woman likes to think she looks great regardless what age she manages to reach. Every woman likes to feel that she has had children and still can manage to look ‘childless’. It’s like ‘yes, I did the children thing and it doesn’t show – well babes check your blood pressure, cause the evidence is there somewhere. Every woman would like to feel that children haven’t ravaged her body and that there are no tell tale signs that she gave birth, even if it is 40 years ago – it doesn’t matter because women like to feel they are ageless.
And don’t you find that women could be having a conversation about anything at all and someone has to throw the age thing into the mix of things. So for instance a conversation about something as random as a turtle, there is bound to be someone, and there is always one, who would have to chip in by saying something ridiculous like ‘yes well a turtle has an incredibly long life span and age very well don’t you think, a bit like me. I’ve have four children you know and I exercise and eat well for my age.’ You can imagine the silence as everyone tries to suss out what the blazing horses hoofs this has to do with turtles. You can also imagine that my girl here is waiting for everyone to either say ‘WOW don’t you look great’ OR ‘WOW four children?” I just love when women do this, always seeking and searching for approval.
Another ploy often used is the one where no-one wants to say how old they are or act as if they are holding back top secret information that ‘a woman never gives her age.’ Why not? Who cares? Who gives a flying baboons butt? You either look your age or you don’t. And even so, how the blazes is this going to change the reality of how old you really are anyway? Do you notice how women love to pause, when making statements like that? As if people are going to do a DNA test on them or something?
When all is said and done though a woman can look good and feel good at any age. We’ve just got to learn to embrace who we are as individuals and embrace our individual shapes and size. And ladies, the thinking that black and short and tight is sexy…..throw that away with the ripped tights….It doesn’t matter what size you are from a 6 through to 26, we all come in various shapes and sizes and even a size 6 o r 8 wearing a fitted outfit can make you look like an elongated turnip. You can wear your age and wear your body with grace and panache and still be the sexiest, sassiest thing on earth – AND still look great for your age, whatever that is.
Until next time, Auntie E
(AKA Esther Austin)
